Log in

No account? Create an account


Is there anyone still out there? I'm considering reviving this tired old troll.

hello again friends

Not sure who (if anyone) still might be reading this, but I'm trying to move on over to http://www.amandasledz.com

Wander over and examine if you like...

New idear: post-class mail!

My latest nightmare looked like this: waking up to no electricity, no cell phone tower, no postal service, no modern convenience, and coming to the sad realization that I had no means of communicating with people who live thousands of miles away. This whole pile of people, including my entire biological family, was lost to me; whether they were living or dead was almost irrelevant.

From the moment I woke my caffeine-hungry brain mined for solutions. (This is, in general, how I roll.) The most obvious solution, and perhaps the easiest to fathom actually working, is a more elaborate version of passing a note across a classroom. Amanda addresses it to Suzie, hands it off to her nearest willing neighbor, who then passes it to the person closest to the addressee. Eventually, Suzie gets the letter. Every once in awhile someone chooses to just read it him or herself and then throw it away, or maybe the teacher grabs it and everyone has detention, or maybe a rogue lightning bolt comes racing through the classroom and clamps down on that specific letter and everyone bursts into flames. BUT: most of the time, it reaches the addressee.

So: in our population of too-many-people separated by a whole lot of miles, would it work?

Experiment time! I need your help. There’s two ways you can participate:

1.) Volunteer yourself to be a recipient of a hand-delivered letter. To participate in this way, please email me your preferred name and address. If you have privacy concerns, perhaps your hip employer wouldn’t mind you using that address, or maybe you can simply have it addressed to “Ray V.” and keep your full name out of it. OR
2.) Volunteer to mail a letter to me, to see if it makes it back to Portland from wherever you are. If you’re not comfortable locating an envelope and printing the instructions on the back, I can mail you a letter addressed to me. There’s something a little funny about that last option, but still…

I’ve got other ideas going through my head to expand the experiment, but these two seem a good place to start. (Examples: if I just drop a pile of letters somewhere, will random citizens feel inclined to pass them on? When addresses don’t exist, is it possible to get a letter to Jim Jones of Cleveland? etc) The back of each letter will have detailed instructions of what each passer is expected to do. Passers will be encouraged to initial the back, or write their name on it, to better determine how many people it takes to get a letter from Portland to X. I’m also setting up a blog for this (which will be posted on the envelope) to encourage people to comment so I can see where some letters “vanish” and how long a delivery takes.

So: anyone interested?


gettin' Mortified

Last night was the first of two Mortified shows I'm participating in. For those who don't know, Mortified is a produced show of folks reading from their high school journals. Yeah: the name is appropriate.

It's been more like being in a play than doing a reading, with the rehearsals, brochures, stage, power point of bad photos, etc. For participating, I'll have free comp tickets for life. Not bad.

After the first show I can safely say: how utterly intoxicating.

What I generally gun for in readings is to get an emotional reaction out of my audience. Usually, this means making them cry. Making them crack up is a much more satisfying experience, even if it is at the expense of my adolescent self. My adult self is over it, and can take it.

Thanks to everyone who came to the Friday show, and everyone coming to the Saturday one. Something tells me this won't be my last time performing with this troop.
Dear Fair Citizens of Portland,

So I was *supposed* to be in a good mood on Tuesday. Barack Obama was getting sworn in, and Portland has always been my little sweet safe haven, sheltering me from the greater suck...and all is well here, right? Wrong.

Apparently, some of you want to crucify my mayor for getting laid, and not making it the center piece of his political campaign. I mean, I can't understand why a gay man (or any man or woman) would be reluctant to talk about his sex life with the media. What else would he talk about? Issues? Policies? His QUALIFICATIONS TO BE MAYOR? None of those are reasons to grab a torch and gather outside his home. What fun is that?

It's my understanding that the following are considered universal truths among the haters:

1.) Anyone under the age of 18 is a slobbering fool. Oh sorry, 18 and under, because "18 is just a hair away from 17." I mean, that hair makes it so you can join the military and vote, but fuck it - let's call it a "hair" in this instance. And as we all know, when you're 17 and so horny you're lubing up your couch cushions and fucking the creases, you should not be having sex because this is not legitimate experience. Your emotions aren't legit either. IT IS ALL FALSE! If you fucked yourself, you took advantage of yourself, and should probably go slap your reflection in the mirror. If you waited until you were 18, but didn't allow for a six-month abstinence grace period after the official birthday, go slap yourself for that, too. I'll wait.

2.) Sex = FREAK OUT! Police brutality? Huh. Mildly disturbing. A recently elected mayor with an outstanding political record admitting he had sex with a smoking hot 18 year old? RESIGN! RESIGN!

I know every shitty newspaper with a box on the street and a frightening yearly projections sheet is calling for his head. There's going to be a lot of layoffs at print media outlets this year, and if they don't go out squealing like pigs, how will they secure jobs at US Weekly? But here's a thought: since when does ANY mainstream outlet in Portland report actual news? These are the same people who endorsed a douchebag who bankrupted a corporation for treasurer, who said "Bush lied!" two years after everyone else did, whose biggest story in 2007 involved Facebook, and have agreed since the election began that Sam Adams was most qualified to be mayor. Is he less qualified now? Um...no.

Please consider that a certain segment of the populous knows your insecurities about sex and teenagers. This group might choose to take advantage of your potential to freak out from time to time. This may have happened before, say...when Bill Clinton got impeached? keep in mind that we're coming off of 8 years of utter suck, 8 years of an utterly deplorable man half-assedly running the country into the ground - who never got impeached. Wasn't fucking...wasn't helping the country either. Think about it. Bill Clinton is practically considered a saint by some, simply because he sucked so much less than Bush 2. if all they've got on Sam Adams is his confession to getting his fuck on, don't you think that's...I dunno...a waste of a good lynching?

But hey, let me be fair. There's other reasons the corporate media could be gunning for Sam other than boredom, like wanting to fire up the conservative Gresham-dwelling douchebag idiots with nothing better to do than troll second-rate media message boards. But let's be honest: they don't seem to know what a scandal is. You know what a scandal is? A (literally) cracked-out Washington DC mayor. Camden coming under state control because THREE mayors committed fraud. the Cleveland School Board - the entire board - being ejected from their offices for embezzlement. Now THAT is scandal. What Sam Adams did is called fucking.

I know some of you out there have never committed fucking before, and that's okay. It rains a lot here and it can be kinda cold, and sometimes taking off all those clothes is a bit of a drag. There's also diseases to worry about, and pregnancy...and sometimes you just go through picky periods where no one seems cute. That's fine. You don't have to fuck.

Here's a scary thought: even if you're not fucking, there are other people in the country fucking right now. Even as I type this, someone in Portland is getting it on. Some gay men are getting it on for sure. Some of them are even UNDER 18. Some of the straight folks are under 18, too. Or just BARELY LEGAL. And you know what? A majority of them are probably having a kick ass time. How uncomfortable are you feeling right now? Very uncomfortable? Good. Now sit in that feeling until you figure out what sort of prudish programming has been pounded in your head to make you respond to sexuality with such hostility. Marinate on it for a LONG time. I wish you good luck in working out your issues; sex issues in particular can be a lot of work. There's lots of therapists in Portland for just such purposes.

But in the mean time, stop calling for the head of my mayor because you're an uptight dipshit, mmkay? Thanks.

Love and Kisses,


Spitting Out Spiders

Latest Month

October 2011


RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by chasethestars