While I was anticipating a gaffe-off (and Sarah Palin wearing her hair down - and over her ears - to hide an earbud), I was pleasantly surprised by last night's debate. Why?

1.) Sarah Palin is as stupid as I thought. I really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, that maybe the light of intelligence in her eyes had been defused by her "look how smart I am!" glasses. Sorry: blatant dodging of questions, reciting the word "maverick" (5 times, but I didn't start counting until ten minutes into the debate), misuse of the word "also" (16 times), and winking at the camera are not signs of intelligence - they're signs of a desperate man throwing a down-homer to the we-love-Bush crowd in hopes of giving them what they want. Let the Ford legacy die, for God's sake. Of course, I'm sure some folks will find this endearing; hell, the web has lit up with people announcing her successful jump over an expectations bar lower than my shoelaces, as if this somehow makes her qualified to lead our nation once McCain keels over. I'm not falling for it. We've had a Doof-in-Chief for 8 years, and I'd like to think, with our wallets in crisis, that the American people would rather have someone who can, you know, do something, rather than someone who grins at the camera and says, "you betcha!" and "doggone it!" I consider these things indicators of what happens when a pageant contestant somehow fumbles her way into a position of power.

Either way: thank you, Sarah Palin. Thank you for saying that Mr. McCain will let you do really cool stuff when you're Vice President, like lead something for "special needs children" and stuff, not to mention that whole Senate thing. Thank you for confessing that you didn't intend to answer any questions, in your efforts to "talk straight" to the American people. Thanks for being honest, and not saying anything about McCain's plans to tax health care, or his zero strategy for getting out of Iraq, or his utter absence of an economic plan. Thanks a whole bunch for the "nukular" pronunciation, and your reference to "General McClellon." I didn't know Scottie was in Afghanistan? Crazy! And moreso than anything, thank you for the statement regarding the "mainstream media's" attempt to discredit you. That was totally unfair how they asked you questions that were like, hard and stuff, AND expected you to formulate one or two coherent sentences that might answer said questions, when it's sooooo much easier to offer a little: "Maverick, team of mavericks, also, freedom, also, liberties, also middle class, also soccer moms also!" I mean, who do they think you are, Hillary Clinton?

2.) Biden did what he was supposed to: be the blunt grenade chucker Obama is too polite to be, while offering no less than 9 toothy grins. There were several awesome burn moments, like the now famous "ultimate bridge to nowhere" reference. Biden had some repetitive phrases of his own, my favorite being a "$400 billion tax break for Exxon Mobile." He broke things down in every-American terms: McCain will have us at war forever, will raise the taxes of the poor, will fuck our economy in the ass sideways, will tax your health care, and probably eats babies for breakfast. Sure, Biden didn't enlighten us too much with regards to what Obama's policies are - but Obama has done a really good job of defending his own policies, and outlining them. Joe didn't need to highlight Obama - he needed to destroy McCain. And my favorite moment? The utter dismantling of the word "maverick". Someone needs to break it to the McCain campaign that nicknames have greater sticking power when someone uses them other than you, your running mate, and Rudy Guilliani. Just when I couldn't take her uttering that word one more time without throwing a tot at the Mash Tun's big screen, Biden laid it all out: dude's not a maverick, people. He's a douche. LOVED IT!

This one solidly goes to Mr. Biden, who gets bonus points for pulling a Dick Cheney and at a key moment, when the opposition hopes to look like the "family" ticket, pulls out the choked-up card. Biden didn't leave Palin speechless the way Cheney did Edwards back in the day, he came across as a family man who endured incredible, unexpected hardship - and still served his country. Very Thomas Jefferson. Nicely done.